I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
