then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
