I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize