I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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