im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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