i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
