If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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