wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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