I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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