Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
