I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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