its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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