shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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