so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What a dumb baby whore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
