Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize