Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
