What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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