What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
