You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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