"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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