I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
