Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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