Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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