my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
