just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
