He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When did angry sex become our thing?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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