I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
