I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
