Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
