I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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