Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
