Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
