I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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