you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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