Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
