Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
