I only kidnapped one of them. chill
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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