We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
