Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
