If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
