I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
