Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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