as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
