your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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