I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
