The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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