even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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