I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
