I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
