Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
