I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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