dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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