It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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