Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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