the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
