We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
