So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
