I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
