Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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