I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
