yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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