He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
