I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
