i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
