I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
