the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize