i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
