My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I smell like Dick and happiness
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
