I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
