Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
