so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
