Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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