didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
