dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
