I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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