Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
