so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
