I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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