I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
