Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
