Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
