OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
