just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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