Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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