Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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