yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
