my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
