All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
