Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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