next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
