My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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