Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
