matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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