There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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