She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
