FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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