I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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