Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
