Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
FUCK WHALES
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