Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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