while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
