I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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