I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
