he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
