Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
