I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
