I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize