You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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