At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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